Tenten is Mulan
by Mangafox101
Summary: This story is just the Disney move Mulan is with the Naruto chacters, but its still cute!


This had the exact lines from Mulan I just bit the Naruto characters in it, but I still find it funny. This story has only Naruto characters that were in the manga you can look each one up.

Disclamier: I don'y own Disney Mulan, or Naruto, I didn't make this whole script I got it off of a website called . so I don't take any credit.

**Konohamaru**:

Ah! _[The hawk lets out a call. The Konohamaru walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more.]_

**Soldier**:

_[Running back to his post]_ We're under attack! Light the signal!

_The door opens, revealing a couple of Akatsuki. Konohamaru climbs up the ladder. _

**Konohamaru**:

_[lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at the Akatsuki leader; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall]_ Now all of the Fire Country knows you're here.

**Pein**:

_[picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire]_ Perfect.

*******

_The General and two soldiers walk into the Hokage's chamber and bow. _

**Kakashi**:

Your Majesty, the Akatsuki have crossed our Northern Border.

**Ebisu**:

Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! _[He is silenced with a raised hand from Tsunade]_

**Kakashi**:

Pein is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

**Tsunade**:

No! _[Standing up]_ Send your troops to protect my people! Ebisu!

**Ebisu**:

Yes, your Highness.

**Emperor**:

Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

**Kakashi**:

Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

**Tsunade**:

I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

*******

**Tenten**:

_[Using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice]_  
Quiet and demure ... graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised ...  
_[she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm]_ ... punctual!  
_[A rooster crows]_ Aaiee!  
_[Blowing on her arm]_ Akamaru! Akamaru! Aka-- _[she glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor]_  
Ah! There you are! _[The dog wakes up]_  
Who's the smartest doggy in the world? C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today? _[she ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Akamaru immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.]_

**Sasuke **:

_[praying]_ Honorable Ancestors ... please help Tenten impress the Matchmaker today. _[Akamaru, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the family temple.]_ Please, please help her.

**Tenten**:

Father, I brought you some ... Whoop! _[bangs into Sasuke, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter]_

**Sasuke**:

Tenten ...

**Tenten**:

I brought a spare!

**Sasuke**:

Tenten ...

**Tenten**:

Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning ...

**Sasuke**:

Tenten.

**Tenten**:

... and three at night.

**Sasuke**:

Tenten. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to ...

**Tenten**:

Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck!

**Sasuke**:

Hurry! I'm going to ... pray some more.

_In town _

**Kurenai**:

Sakura, where is your daughter? The Matchmaker is not a patient woman.

**Sakura**:

Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

**Granny Ino**:

How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. _[Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside.]_ This is your chance to prove yourself. _[She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk.]_

**Sakura**:

Grandma! No!

_Granny Ino walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed. _

**Granny Ino**:

Yup! This cricket's a lucky one! _[Sakura sighs.]_

_Tenten comes riding up on Kyuubi, and hops off. _

**Tenten**:

I'm here! _[looks at her mother]_ What? But, Mama, I had to--

**Sakura**:

None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

_Begin "Honor to us all" _

**Kurenai**:

This is what you give me to work with?  
Well, honey, I've seen worse.  
We're going to turn this sow's ear  
Into a silk purse.

**Tenten**:

It's freezing!

**Sakura**:

It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

**Kurenai**:

We'll have you, washed and dried  
Primped and polished till you glow with pride  
Just my recipe for instant bride  
You'll bring honor to us all.

**Sakura**:

Tenten, what's this?

**Tenten**:

Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

**Granny Ino**:

Hold this. _[Hands Cricket/Shikamaru to Sakura]_ We're going to need more luck than I thought.

**Hinata**:

Wait and see, when we're through

**Moegi**:

Boys will gladly go to war for you

**Hinata**:

With good fortune

**Moegi**:

And a great hairdo

**Both**:

You'll bring honor to us all.

A girl can bring her family  
Great honor in one way  
By striking a good match  
And this might be the day

**Anko**:

Men want girls with good taste 

**Ayame**:

Calm 

**Sakura**:

Obedient 

**Ayame**:

Who work fast-paced 

**Sakura**:

With good breeding 

**Ayame**:

And a tiny waist 

**All**:

You'll bring honor to us all. 

We all must serve our Hokage  
Who guards us from the Akatsuki  
A man by bearing arms  
A girl by bearing sons

**Agari**:

When we're through,  
You can't fail  
Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale  
How could any fellow say, "No sale"?  
You'll bring honor to us all!

**Sakura**:

There, you're ready.

**Granny Ino**:

Not yet! An apple for serenity  
A pendant for balance  
Beads of jade for beauty  
You must proudly show it  
Now, add a cricket, just for luck,  
And even you can't blow it!

**Tenten**:

Ancestors, hear my plea,  
Please don't let me make a fool of me  
And to not uproot my family tree  
Keep my father standing tall.

Scarier than the Undertaker,  
We are meeting our matchmaker!  
Destiny, guard our girls,  
Help our future as it fast unfurls  
Please look kindly on these cultured pearls  
Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us all!

**Karin**:

Tenten?

**Tenten**:

Present!

**Karin**:

Speaking without permission ...

**Tenten**:

Oops ... _[They go inside]_

**Granny Ino**:

_[to Sakura]_ Who spit in her bean curd?

**Karin**:

Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.

_Shikamaru hops out of his cage, Tenten frantically tries to put him back in. _

**Karin**:

Recite the Final Admonition.

**Tenten**:

Mmm-hmm-hmm ... _[pulls out a paper fan and spits Shikamaru out]_

**Karin**:

Well?

**Mulan**:

Fulfill your duties, calmly and ... _[glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly]_ respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! This shall bring you honor and glory. _[She fans herself, Karin grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Tenten by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.]_

**Karin**:

This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity _[she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak]_ and refinement. You must also be poised. _[Tenten, staring at the Karin, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup.]_

_Tenten notices Shikarmaru relaxing happily in the tea. Karin takes the teacup. _

**Tenten**:

Um, pardon me ...

**Karin**:

And silent! _[sniffs the tea]_ Ah ...

**Tenten**:

Could I just take that back? One moment ... _[She grabs for the cup]_

_Karin fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over Karin. Shikamaru hops down her dress. _

**Karin**:

Why, you clumsy! ... Oh! Ah! Woo! _[She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Tenten desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. Karin runs around screaming.]_

_Outside _

**Granny Ino**:

_[To Sakura]_ I think it's going well, don't you?

_Karin runs outside, screaming. _

**Karin**:

Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT! _[Tenten throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot Karin and quickly walks toward Sakura and Granny Ino.]_

**Karin**:

_[furious]_ You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!

_People start to walk away, whispering. _

_At the Uchiha farm _

_Tenten is greeted with a warm smile by her father, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Kyuubi to the stable. _

_Beginning of "Reflection" _

**Tenten**:

Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect bride  
Or a perfect daughter  
Can it be?  
I'm not meant to play this part?  
Now I see  
That if I were truly to be myself  
I would break my family's heart.

Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me  
Why is my reflection someone I don't know  
Somehow I cannot hide  
Who I am, though I've tried  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am, inside?

_End of "Reflection"_

**Sasuke**:

My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

_Drums sound _

**Tenten**:

What is it?

_Imperial soldiers and Ebisu come riding over a hill. _

**Sakura**:

Tenten, stay inside.

**Granny Ino**:

Ahem. _[points toward a low roof. Tenten runs over to it and peers over the roof]_

**Ebisu**:

Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! The Akatsuki have invaded the Fire Country! By order of the Hokage, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army. _[Reading from list]_ The Aburame Family! The Yee Family!

**Udon**:

I will serve the Emperor in my father's place.

**Ebisu**:

The Uchiha Family!

**Tenten**:

No!

_Her father walks over to Ebisu. _

**Sasuke**:

I am ready to serve the Hokage.

**Tenten**:

Father, you can't go!

**Sasuke**:

Tenten!

**Tenten**:

_[To Ebisu]_ Please, sir, my father has already fought for--

**Ebisu**:

Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

**Sasuke**:

Tenten. You dishonor me.

**Ebisu**:

Report tomorrow at the Konoha Camp. _[He hands Sasuke a scroll.]_

**Sasuke**:

Yes, sir.

**Ebisu**:

_[Continues to read]_ The Uzumaki Family! The Akimichi Family! The Inuzuka Family!

_In Sasuke's bedroom _

_Sasuke yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheaths a sword. Tenten watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting. _

_At dinner _

_Tenten pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang. _

**Tenten**:

You shouldn't have to go!

**Sakura**:

Tenten!

**Tenten**:

There are plenty of young men to fight for the Fire Country!

**Sasuke**:

It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

**Tenten**:

So you'll die for honor.

**Sasuke**:

I will die doing what's right.

**Tenten**:

But if you ...

**Sasuke**:

I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

_Tenten stares at her father for a moment, then runs outside crying. _

_Tenten is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she can see her mother and father talking. Sasuke picks up the candle and blows it out. Tenten thinks for a minute, then makes her decision. _

_Tenten walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and puts on her father's armor. Going out to the stable, she mounts Kyuubi and sets off for the army. _

_The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Granny Ino wakes up. _

**Granny Ino**:

Tenten is gone!

**Sasuke**:

What? It can't be ... _[He runs outside]_ Tenten! No ...

**Sakura**:

You must go after her. She could be killed.

**Sasuke**:

If I reveal her, she will be.

**Granny Ino**:

Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Tenten.

_In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor. _

**Jiraiya**:

_[To the small hanging dragon statue]_ Lee, awaken.

_The statue shakes and smokes. _

**Lee**:

I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Jiraiya. You just say the word, and I'm there.

**Jiraiya**:

Lee ...

**Lee**:

And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, vengeance will be MINE! Grr ... arrgh ...

**Jiraiya**:

Lee! These are the family guardians. They ...

**Lee**:

Protect the family.

**Jiraiya**:

And you, O Demoted One ...

**Lee**:

I ring the gong.

**Jiraiya**:

That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

**Lee**:

One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

**Temari**:

I knew it, I knew it. That Tenten was a troublemaker from the start.

**Kankurou**:

Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!

**Rin**:

She's just trying to help her father!

**Obito**:

But if she's discovered, Sasuke will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!

**Asuma**:

Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

**Temari**:

My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

**Kankurou**:

Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

**Matsuri**:

No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!

_The Ancestors start to argue _

**Baki**:

Let a guardian bring her back!

**Kankurou**:

Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

**Obito**:

No! The swiftest!

**Kushina**: No, send the wisest!

**Jiraiya**:

SILENCE! We will send the most powerful of all.

**Lee**:

_[laughs]_ Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go.

_Laughter _

**Lee**:

Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! _[Blows a tiny flame]_ Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

**Jiraiya**:

You had your chance to protect the Uchiha Family.

**Matsuri**:

Your misguidance led Gaara to disaster!

**Gaara**:

Yeah, thanks a lot.

**Lee**:

And your point is?

**Jiraiya**:

The point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Tenten.

**Lee**:

What? What? I'm a real dragon!

**Jiraiya**:

You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Orochimaru Stone Dragon!

**Lee**:

So you'll get back to me on the job thing. _[He is hit in the face with his gong.]_

**Lee**:

Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you. _[To the dragon statue]_ Yo, Oro, wake up! You gotta go fetch Tenten! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! _[He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.]_ Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO! _[He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart.]_ Uh-oh ...

**Lee**:

Uh ... Oro? Oro ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

**Jiraiya**:

Great Orochimaru Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?

**Lee**:

_[Holding up the head of the Great Orochimaru Stone Dragon]_ Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Orochimaru Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Tenten! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Orochimaru Stone Dragon?

**Jiraiya**:

Go! The fate of the Uchiha family rests in your claws.

**Lee**:

Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. _[He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him.]_ Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. _[He lifts the head off.]_ That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.

**Shikamaru**:

Chirp.

**Lee**:

Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Orochimaru Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make Tenten a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man.

**Shikamaru**:

Chirp.

**Lee**:

_[running]_ And what makes you think you're coming?

**Shikamaru**:

Chirp.

**Lee**:

You're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you?

**Shikamaru**:

Chirp.

**Lee**:

What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of you antennae of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, or me?

**Shikamaru**:

Chirp.

_Lee chases him out of the yard and down the road. _

_The Akatsuki comes to a stop by a marsh. Two soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Pein. _

**Tobi**:

Imperial Scouts.

**Iruka**:

Pein!

**Pein**:

Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Akatsuki.

_Laughter _

**Tsuzumi**:

The Hokage will stop you.

**Pein**:

Stop me! He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your Hokage to send his strongest armies. I'm ready.

_The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other. _

**Pein**:

How many men does it take to deliver a message?

**Deidara**:

One.

*******

**Tenten**:

Okay. Okay, how about this: _[in a deep voice]_ Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong. _[She fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground.]_

_Kyuubi rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe. _

**Tenten**:

I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

**Lee**:

_[covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Tenten can see is his giant shadow.]_ Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

**Tenten**:

Aughhh!

**Lee**:

That's close enough!

**Tenten**:

A ghost!

**Lee**:

Get ready, Tenten, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! _[He glances down at Shikamaru, who is making finger-shadows of a dragon's head, and kicks him.]_ C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. _[To Tenten]_ So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

**Tenten**:

Who are you?

**Lee**:

Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Lee.

_Tenten stares at the tiny dragon for a moment. _

**Lee**:

Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh? _[Immediately Kyuubi steps all over him.]_

**Tenten**:

My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?

**Lee**:

Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue-thing.

**Tenten**:

You're ... um ...

**Lee**:

Intimidating? All inspiring?

**Tenten**:

Tiny!

**Lee**:

Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright. _[Kyuubi tries to chomp him.]_ DOWN, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. _[Tenten slaps him]_Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-

**Tenten**:

Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

**Lee**:

Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that? _[Tenten nods]_. Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Shikamaru, get the bags! _[To Kyuubi]_ Let's move it heifer!

_At the Konoha Camp _

**Lee**:

Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it!

**Lee**:

_[They pass men trimming their toenails and picking their noses]_ Beautiful, isn't it.

**Tenten**:

They're disgusting.

**Lee**:

No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

**Dozu**:

Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

**Naruto**:

Hmmm ... _[punches Dozu]_

**Kiba**:

_[laughing]_ I hope you can get your money back!

**Tenten**:

I don't think I can do this ...

**Lee**:

It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!

**Naruto**:

_[spits]_ What are you looking at?

**Lee**:

Punch him. It's how men say hello. _[Tenten punches Naruto; he slams into Choji.]_

**Choji**:

Oh, Naruto! You've made a friend!

**Lee**:

Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that. (Tenten slaps Naruto.)

**Naruto**:

Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

**Choji**:

_[picks up Naruto]_ Naruto, relax and chant with me.

**Naruto**:

errrrrgh ....

**Choji**:

nanuami tofu dah ...

**Naruto**:

nonuamitofudah.

**Choji**:

Feel better?

**Naruto**:

nrrgh. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Chicken boy.

**Lee**:

Chicken boy!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

**Naruto**:

Rrraaaaghhh! _[Grabs Tenten and punches; she ducks and he punches Kiba three times.]_ Oh, sorry Kiba. Hey! _[reaches down to catch Tenten from crawling away, and Kiba kicks him into Choji, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with Choji swiping to get them off. Tenten scrambles away.]_

**Kiba**:

Hey! There he goes! _[They chase Tenten through a tent, and the Gang of Three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. Choji knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Tenten.]_

**Tenten**:

Hey, guys ...

_Inside the Captain's Tent _

**Kakashi**:

The Akatsuki have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Suna Pass and stop Pein before he destroys this village.

**Ebisu**:

Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

**Kakashi**:

_[to Neji]_ You will stay and train the new recruits. When Ebisu believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

**Neji**:

Captain?

**Ebisu**:

Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

**Kakashi**:

Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Neji will do an excellent job.

**Neji**:

Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

**Kakashi**:

Very good, then. We'll toast the Fire Country's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

**Ebisu**:

And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

**Neji**:

Captain Hyuuga Neji. Leader of the Fire Country's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. _[They step outside]_

**Ebisu**:

Most impressive.

**Kakashi**:

Good luck, Captain! Yah! _[He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.]_

**Neji**:

Good luck ... Father.

**Ebisu**:

Day one.

**Neji**:

Soldiers!

_Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Tenten _

**Soldiers**:

HE started it!

**Neji**:

_[to Tenten]_ I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

**Tenten**:

Sorry ... _[in a deep voice]_ I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta KILL something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

**Neji**:

What's your name?

**Tenten**:

uh...um...uh...

**Ebisu**:

Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

**Tenten**:

I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

**Lee**:

Kiba! How 'bout Kiba?

**Tenten**:

(to Lee) HIS name is Kiba.

**Neji**:

I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

**Lee**:

Uh ... Ah-chu!

**Tenten**:

Ah-chu!

**Neji**:

AH-CHU?!

**Lee**:

Gesuintit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

**Tenten**:

Lee ...

**Neji**:

LEE?

**Tenten**:

No.

**Neji**:

Then WHAT is it?!

**Lee**:

Gai! Gai was my best friend growing up.

**Tenten**:

It's Gai.

**Neji**:

Gai.

**Lee**:

'Course, Gai did steal my girl--

**Tenten**:

Yes. My name is Gai.

**Neji**:

Let me see your conscription notice. _[Tenten hands the scroll to him.]_ Uchiha? THE Uchiha Sasuke?

**Ebisu**:

I didn't know Sasuke had a son.

**Tenten**:

Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. _[She attempts to spit, but fails miserably.]_

**Ebisu**:

I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic! (Laughter)

**Neji**:

Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Gai, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

_Grumbling _

**Lee**:

You know, we have to work on your people skills.

_Inside Tenten's tent _

_Lee picks up Shikamaru and uses him for an alarm clock. _

**Lee**:

All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

_Tenten pulls the blanket over her, and Lee pulls it off. _

**Lee**:

Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

_Shikamaru is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Lee uses chopsticks to fish him out. _

**Lee**:

Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

**Tenten**:

Am I late?

**Lee**:

_[stuffs porridge in her mouth]_ No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

**Tenten**:

But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

**Lee**:

Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

_Tenten looks at Lee, her mouth full of porridge. _

**Lee**:

Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

**Tenten**:

Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

**Lee**:

That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

_Kyuubi neighs frantically _

**Lee**:

What do you mean, the troops just left?

**Tenten**:

They WHAT? _[She rushes out of the tent]_

**Lee**:

Wait, you forgot your sword! _[sniffs]_ My little baby, off to destroy people ...

**Ebisu**:

Order! People, order!

**Shino**:

I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

**Choji**:

Sweet and pungent shrimp.

**Ebisu**:

That's not funny.

**Kiba**:

Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Gai, Are ya hungry?

**Naruto**:

Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

**Neji**:

Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

_He takes off his shirt, and Tenten stares in awe. _

**Naruto**:

Ooh, tough guy.

**Neji**:

_[pulls out a bow and arrow and aims it at Naruto, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp.]_ Naruto. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

**Naruto**:

I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. _[He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.]_

**Neji**:

One moment, you seem to be missing something. _[He pulls two giant medals out of a box.]_ This represents disipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. _[He ties them around Naruto's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.]_

**Neji**:

We've got a long way to go.

_Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You." _

**Neji**:

Let's get down to business  
To defeat the Akatsuki  
Did they send me daughters  
When I asked for sons

You're the saddest bunch  
I ever met, but you can bet  
Before we're through  
Mister, I'll make a man  
Out of you.

Tranquil as a forest  
But on fire within  
Once you find your center  
You are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot  
And you can bet before we're through  
Mister, I'll make a man out of you.

**Choji**:

I'm never gonna catch my breath 

**Naruto**:

Say good-bye to those who knew me 

**Kiba**:

Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym 

**Lee**:

This guy's got 'em scared to death 

**Tenten**:

I hope he doesn't see right through me 

**Choji**:

Now I really wish that I knew how to swim 

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Time is racing t'ward us  
Till the Akatsuki arrive  
Heed my every order  
And you might survive  
You're unsuited for the rage of war  
So pack up, go home, you're through  
How could I make a man out of you

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

_Pein cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small doll. Pein jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Akatsuki. _

**Pein**:

What do you see?

**Hidan**:

Black pine ... from the high mountains!

**Kisame**:

White horse hair ... Umperial stallions.

**Tobi**:

Sulphur ... from cannons.

**Pein**:

This doll came from a village in the Suna Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting.

**Deidara**:

We can avoid them easily.

**Pein**:

No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

_Konoha Camp, at night _

**Lee**:

Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

**Tenten**:

Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

**Lee**:

so a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

**Tenten**:

_[Jumps in the water]_ Ah.

**Lee**:

Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

**Tenten**:

Lee, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

**Lee**:

Yeah, yeah. Stand watch, Lee, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.

_Three (naked) men flash by, laughing. _

**Lee**:

We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!

_Tenten ducks into the water as Kiba, Naruto and Choji jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad. _

**Naruto**:

Hey, Gai!

**Tenten**:

Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

**Kiba**:

Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Kiba.

**Choji**:

And I'm Choji.

**Tenten**:

Hello, Choji.

**Naruto**:

And I am Naruto, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.

**Kiba**:

Oh yeah? Well, I think Gai and I can take you!

**Tenten**:

I really don't want to take him anywhere.

**Kiba**:

But, Gai! We have to fight!

**Tenten**:

No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

**Kiba**:

C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!

**Lee**:

What a nasty flavor.

**Kiba**:

_[sees Lee]_ SNAKE!!!

_While Naruto, Choji and Kiba are shrieking, Tenten whistles for Kyuubi and sneaks away. _

_**Kiba**__: _

_[huddled on the rock with Choji and Naruto] Some King of the Rock. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Boy, that was close. _

_**Lee**__: _

_No, that was vile. You owe me big! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I never want to see a naked man again. _

_(A herd of naked men flash by.)_

_**Lee**__: _

_Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts. _

_In Ebisu's tent _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the__Akatsuki! _

_**Neji**__: _

_They completed their training. _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Tenten into this war! This guy's messing with my plans! _

_**Neji**__: _

_We're not finished! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the Emperor's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_[to Neji] Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain! _

_**Lee**__: _

_I saw that. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_What? _

_**Lee**__: _

_You like him, don't you _

_**Tenten**__: _

_No! I ... _

_**Lee**__: _

_Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT! _

_Smiling, Tenten walks away. _

_**Lee**__: _

_[to Shikamaru] I think it's time we took this war into our own hands. _

_They rush into the tent as Ebisu strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers. _

_Shikamaru types out a letter, like a typewriter. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Okay, lemme see what you've got. [reads] From General Lee. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Akatsuki at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about? _

_Shikamaru hops around typing out another letter. _

_**Lee**__: _

_That's better, much better! Let's go! _

_**Lee**__: _

_Kyuubi, baby. We need a ride. [Kyuubi squirts him off, and Shikamaru slowly backs off.] _

_At the lake. Laughter _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! [More laughter] And I do not squeal like a girl! [He turns to see a straw soldier (Lee and Shikamaru) riding a panda bear.] Eeeeeeek!!! _

_**Lee**__: _

_[In a deep voice] Urgent new from the general! [He holds out a scroll] What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before? _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Who are you? _

_**Lee**__: _

_Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on. [Ebisu turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree.] _

_In the captain's tent _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front! _

_**Lee**__: _

_Pack your bags, Shikamaru, we're moving out! _

_Begin "A Girl Worth Fighting For." _

**All:**

_For a long time we've been marching off to battle._

**Naruto:**_  
In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle._

**All:**_  
Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore._

**Kiba:**_  
Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!  
_

**Tenten:**

_Huh?_

**Kiba:**_  
That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!_

_I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.  
_

**Naruto:**

_My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!  
_

**Choji:**

_I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like!  
It all depends on what she cooks like!  
Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ..._

**Naruto: **_[to Tenten]_

_Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!_

**Kiba:**

_And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!_

**All:**_  
You can guess what we have missed the most  
Since we went off to war!_

**Kiba:**_  
What do we want?_

**All:**_  
A girl worth fighting for!_

**Naruto:**

_My girl will think I have no flaws_

**Choji:**_  
That I'm a major find_

**Tenten:**_  
How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?_

**The Three:**_  
Nah!_

**Kiba:**_  
My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!_

**Naruto:**_  
He thinks he's such a lady-killer!_

**Ebisu:**

_I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!_

**Naruto:**_  
Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!  
_

**All:**

_But when we come home, in victory  
They'll line up at the door!_

**Kiba:**

_What do we want?_

**All:**_  
A girl worth fighting for!_

**Kiba:**_  
Wish that I had_

**All:**_  
A girl worth fighting for!  
A girl worth fighting--_

_The army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Search for survivors! _

_Tenten picks up a small doll _

_**Neji**__: _

_I don't understand. My father should've been here. _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Captain! (They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead soldiers. Choji hands the general's helmet to Neji.) _

_**Choji**__: _

_The ... general. _

_Neji takes his sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I'm sorry. _

_**Neji**__: _

_[mounts his horse] The Akatsuki are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Suna pass. We're the only hope for the Hokage now. Move out! _

_The army slowly walks away. Tenten places the doll by Neji's sword and joins the others. _

_As the Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Kyuubi suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Tenten looks at Lee accusingly. _

_**Neji**__: _

_What happened? You just gave away out position! Now we're-- [an arrow hits his shoulder, throwing him off the horse. Akatsuki appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers.] Get out of range! _

_The pitiful Chinese army struggles to get away from the Akatsuki, but are intercepted by another group of Akatsuki up on another cliff. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Save the cannons! [The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Tenten cuts Kyuubi's reins and mounts him. The wagon explodes, sending Lee and Shikamaru flying. Tenten falls off the horse.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_Oh, sure, save the horse. [Tenten grabs Lee and her sword and runs over to the other soldiers.] _

_**Neji**__: _

_Fire! [The soldier lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow.] Fire! [There is no sound from the Akatsuki, who are no longer on the cliffs.] Hold the last cannon. _

_Suddenly, a horse appears on the hill. Pein is soon joined by hundreds of Akatsuki soldiers. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor. [The Akatsuki charge the Army.] Naruto. Aim the cannon at Pein. [Naruto aims the cannon.] _

_While glancing at her sword, Tenten notices a glacial overhang. She grabs the cannon and runs toward the Akatsuki, aiming at the overhang. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Gai! Gai, come back! _

_Frantically, as Pein draws nearer, his sword raised, Tenten fumbles with the match. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly! [Tenten is attacked by Pein's hawk, and loses the match.] _

_**Naruto**__: _

_C'mon, we gotta help! [The Gang of Three run toward Tenten, swinging their swords.] _

_Tenten uses Lee to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang. _

_**Lee**__: _

_You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you! [The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Akatsuki Army, burying in them. In fury, Pein roars and hits Tenten in the side with his sword blade. She quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Neji with her. Kyuubi runs toward them, and Tenten gets on and tries to give Neji a hand, but he loses his grip and is dragged into the snow.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_[riding down the snow in a hubcap] Tenten!! Tenten! Tenten? [He pulls a Akatsuki's head out of the snow.] Nope. Tenten! [He reaches down and pulls out Shikamaru.] Man, you are one lucky bug. _

_Tenten and Kyuubi break out of the snow and race toward Neji, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Neji! [She pulls him up onto the saddle.] _

_**Choji**__: _

_[holding up Naruto] Do you see them? _

_**Naruto**__: _

_Yes! [He fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Tenten.] Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safety! [The rope slips through his hands.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_[sliding near Tenten and Neji] Tenten! I found a lucky cricket! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_We need help! [The arrow flies near them, Tenten grabs it and ties it around Kyuubi.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_[to Shikamaru] Nice, very nice! You can sit by me! [They climb up onto Kyuubi, and notice the cliff.] Aaaugh!!! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming! [Tenten shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff.] _

_**Naruto**__: _

_[crying] I let them slip through my fingers ... [looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in his hands. He is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of him. Finally Choji walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Tenten, Kyuubi, and Neji up onto the ground.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_I knew we could do it! You the man! Well, sort of. _

_**Kiba**__: _

_Step back, guys. Give him some air! _

_**Neji**__: _

_[breathing heavily] Gai, you are the craziest man I ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust. _

_**Kiba**__: _

_Let's hear it for Gai, the bravest of us all! _

_**Naruto**__: _

_You're King of the Mountain! _

_Cheering _

_Tenten tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Gai! What's wrong? [Tenten moves her hands to reveal blood.] He's wounded! Get help! [Tenten sinks into unconsciousness.] Gai, hold on. Hold on. _

_The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Neji, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Tenten, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Neji stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Tenten realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I can explain! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_So it's true! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Neji! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_[yanking Tenten out of the tent and pulling her hair out of a bun] I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous snake! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_My name is Tenten. I did it to save my father! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_High treason! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I didn't mean for it to go this far! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Ultimate dishonor! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_It was the only way! Please, believe me! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Captain? _

_Neji walks over to Kyuubi and takes out Tenten's sword. The Gang of Three start to rush over to her, but Ebisu stops them. _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_[to the soldiers holding Kyuubi] Restrain him. [to the Gang of Three] You know the law. _

_Neji walks over to Tenten and throws the sword in the snow in front of her. _

_**Neji**__: _

_A life for a life. My debt is repaid. [to the soldiers] Move out! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_But you can't just ... _

_**Neji**__: _

_[to Ebisu] I said, 'Move out.' _

_The Chinese Army sadly walks away, leaving Tenten, Lee, and Kyuubi in the snow. _

_**Lee**__: _

_I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. [He uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.] _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I should never have left home. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror (she picks up her helmet) I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. [He spits on the helmet.] Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, lookit you, you look so pretty! The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. _

_Shikamaru starts to cry _

_**Lee**__: _

_What do you mean, you're not lucky! You ... lied to me? [Shikamaru nods. Lee turns to Kyuubi.] And what are you, a sheep? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home _

_**Lee**__: _

_Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't u worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise. _

_The shadow of a hawk flies overheard, and around a bend. Pein climb out of the snow and looks around. He lets out a roar. Soon he is joined by five of his soldiers. They start down the path toward the Imperial City. Tenten watches them, grabs her sword, mounts Kyuubi and turns after the Akatsuki. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Uh, home is that way. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I have to do something. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Did you see those Akatsuki? They popped out of the snow! LIKE DAISIES! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Are we in this together, or not? _

_**Lee**__: _

_[looks guilty] Let's go kick some Akaney Bunch! [He and Shikamaru jump on Kyuubi, and they ride down the mountain, whooping.] _

_In the Imperial City _

_The Chinese citizens watch happily as the Imperial City celebrates the Chinese victory with a parade. _

_**Teuchi**__: _

_Make way for the heroes of China! [Neji, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind, and behind them is a large Chinese dragon.] _

_Tenten comes riding up beside Neji _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Neji! _

_**Neji:**_

_Tenten? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_The Akatsuki are alive! They're in the city! _

_**Neji**__: _

_You don't belong here, Tenten. Go home. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Neji, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me! _

_**Neji**__: _

_Why should I? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Gai. Why is Tenten any different? [Neji rides around her.] [To the Gang of Three] Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah! _

_**Lee**__: _

_[as Tenten dismounts Khan] Now where are you going? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_To find someone who will believe me! [she hurries off into the crowd.] _

_The Chinese Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Chinese Dragon. The Hokage meets them. _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_My children! Heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom! The Fire Country will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_[to a citizen] Sir, the Hokage's in danger! _

_**Tazuna**__: _

_Huh! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_But the Akatsuki are HERE! [to another man] Please, you have to help! _

_**Iwashi**__: _

_Eh! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_[to Lee] No one will listen! _

_**Lee**__: _

_Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Lee ... _

_**Lee**__: _

_Hey, you're a girl again, remember? _

_**Neji**__: _

_Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Pein. _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_I know what this means to you, Captain Neji. Your father would have been very proud. _

_Pein's hawk swoops down and grabs the sword. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. The Akatsuki jump out of the Chinese Dragon. One of them grabs the Hokage and takes him into the palace. _

_**Neji**__: _

_No! _

_**Naruto**__: _

_C'mon! [They run up to the palace, but the Akatsuki close the great doors. On the roof, Pein laughs.] _

_The Chinese Army uses a statue to try to break into the palace. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_They'll never reach the Hokage in time. [She looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to them.] Hey guys! I've got an idea! [The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Tenten, dropping the statue.] _

_They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the silk belts around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Neji takes off his cape and climbs up. _

_Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Akatsuki hold Tsunade. Pein sticks his head in their faces. _

_**Pein**__: _

_[to the Tsunade] Boo. [to his soldiers] Guard the door! [to the Tsunade] Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me. _

_Outside, Tenten and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Okay. Any questions? _

_**Naruto**__: _

_Does this dress make me look fat? [he is slapped] Ow! _

_The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling. _

_**Kisame**__: _

_Who's there? _

_**Itachi: **_

_Concubines. _

_**Kisame**__: _

_Ugly concubines. _

_An apple rolls out of Kiba's dress. One of the guards picks it up. The hawk notices Neji hiding, and tries to call out, but Lee breaths fire and torches him. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Now that's what I call Akatsuki barbeque. _

_The guard hands the apple to Kiba, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Neji! Go! [Neji runs up the stairs and into the room where Pein and Tsunade are.] _

_**Pein**__: _

_I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me! _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it. _

_**Pein**__: _

_[raising his sword] Then you will kneel ... in pieces! [He swings the sword; Neji rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Pein in the face.] _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Choji, get the Hokage! _

_**Choji**__: _

_Sorry, your Majesty. [He picks up Tsunade, and, using his silk belt, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.] _

_**Pein**__: _

_No! [He picks up Neji and smashes his head against Neji's. Tenten winces, then looks down at the ground, where Naruto and Kiba are waiting.] _

_**Naruto**__: _

_Come on! _

_Tenten looks back at the unconscious Neji, and at Pein who is approaching him. She pulls Pein's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer. _

_**Pein**__: _

_No! [He turns to Neji, who is now conscious.] You! You took away my victory! [He is hit by a shoe.] _

_**Tenten**__: _

_No! I did. [She pulls back her hair.] _

_**Pein**__: _

_The soldier from the mountain! [Abandoning Neji, he chases after Tenten, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Tenten is joined by Lee and Shikamaru, riding the feather-less hawk.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_So what's the plan? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Ummmmm ... _

_**Lee**__: _

_YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN? _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... [as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.] Lee-- _

_**Lee**__: _

_Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Shikamaru! [They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Pein attacks Tenten, and she shinnies up a pole. Pein cuts down the pole, and Tenten and the pole go through the wall. Tenten jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Lee and Shikamaru are gathering ammunition.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_Citizens. I need firepower! _

_**Mubi**__: _

_Who are you? _

_**Lee**__: _

_[looking fierce] Your worst nightmare. [The two men jump off the tower.] _

_**Tazuna**__: _

_Look! On the roof! _

_Tenten backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Pein crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Tenten pulls out a paper fan. _

_**Pein**__: _

_Guess you're out of ideas. [He stabs the sword through the fan; Tenten turns it around and readies the sword.] _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Not quite. Ready, Lee? _

_**Lee**__: _

_[with a rocket strapped to his back] I am ready, baby! [He breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Shikamaru.] Light me! _

_Tenten kicks Pein in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the sword. Shikamaru lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Pein straight into the firework tower. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_[picking up Lee] Get off the roof, get off the roof! [As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Neji, who is running down the stairs. Pein's sword and Lee land nearby.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_Ahahahahahaha! [He catches Shikamaru] You are a lucky bug! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting. _

_**Neji**__: _

_She's a hero! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything! _

_**Neji**__: _

_Listen, you pompous ... _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_That is enough! _

_**Neji**__: _

_Your Majesty, I can explain! [Tsunade raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Tenten.] _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_I've heard a great deal about you, Tenten. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all. [He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Imperial City bows to her.] _

_**Lee**__: _

_Our little baby is all grown up and saving the Fire Country! [To Shikamaru] Do you have a tissue? _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_Ebisu! _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Your Excellency? _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_See that this woman is made a member of my council. _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty! _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_Very well. You can have his job. _

_**Ebisu**__: _

_Wha? ... My? ... [He faints.] _

_**Tenten**__: _

_With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough. _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_Then take this [he hands her a pendant], so your family will know what you have done for me. And this [he hands her the sword of Pein] so the world will know what you have done for the Fire Country. _

_Tenten takes the gifts, then hugs Tsunade _

_**Naruto**__: _

_Is she allowed to do that? [Kiba, Choji and Neji shrug.] _

_Tenten steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Neji. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Um ... you ... You fight good. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_[disappointed] Oh. Thank you. [She mounts Kyuubi.] _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Kyuubi, let's go home. [As she rides away, everyone cheers.] _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_[To Neji] The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all. _

_**Neji**__: _

_... Sir? ... _

_**Tsunade**__: _

_You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! [He puts on his hat and walks away.] _

_At Tenten's house _

_Tenten approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him. _

_**Sasuke**__: _

_Tenten! _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Father! I've brought you the sword of Pein. And the Crest of the Emperor! They're gifts to honor the Uchiha Family. [Her father drops the gifts and hugs her.] _

_**Sasuke**__: _

_The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_I've missed you too, Baba. _

_**Granny Ino**__: _

_[watching them] Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me she should've brought home a man! _

_**Neji**__: _

_Excuse me, does Tenten live here? _

_Granny Ino and Sakura point, dumbstruck. _

_**Neji**__: _

_Thank you. _

_**Granny Ino**__: _

_Woo! Sign me up for the next war! _

_**Neji**__: _

_Honorable Sasuke, I-- Tenten! Uhhhh ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ... _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Would you like to stay for dinner? _

_**Granny Ino**__: _

_Would you like to stay forever? _

_**Neji**__: _

_Dinner would be great. _

_**Lee**__: _

_[to Jiraiya] Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job. _

_**Jiraiya**__: _

_Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again. _

_**Lee**__: _

_AAAAAHHH-HAAAAAAAA!!! Whoohoohoohoohoooo! _

_Shikamaru rings the gong; all the ancestors come out. _

_**Lee**__: _

_Take it, Shikamaru! [Shikamaru plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.] _

_**Kankurou**__: _

_You know, she gets it from my side of the family! (Lee swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door. _

_**Jiraiya**__: _

_Guardians. _

_**Tenten**__: _

_Thanks, Lee. [She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Akarmaru, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.] _

_**Jiraiya**__: _

_LEE!!!! _

**Credits (in order of appearance):**

Solider 1: Konohamaru

Shang Yu: Pein

General: Kakashi

Chi Fu: Ebisu

Emperor: Tsunade

Mulan: Tenten

Little Brother/dog: Akarmaru

Fa Zu: Sasuke

Women 1: Kurenai

Fa Li: Sakura

Granny Fa: Ino

Khan/Horse: Kyuubi

Cricket: Shikarmaru

Women 2: Hinata

Women 3: Moegi

Women 4: Anko

Women 5: Ayame

Women 6: Agari

Matchmaker: Karin

Son: Udon

Great Ancestor: Jiraiya

Mushu: Lee

Ancestor 1: Temari

Ancestor 2: Kankurou

Ancestor 3: Rin

Ancestor 4: Obito

Ancestor 5: Asuma

Ancestor 6: Matsuri

Ancestor 7: Baki

Ancestor 8: Kushina

Ancestor 9: Gaara

Great stone Dragon: Orochimaru

Hun: Tobi

Solider 1: Iruka

Solider 2: Tsuzumi

Hun Archer: Deidara

Recruit: Dozu

Yao: Naruto

Ling: Kiba

Chien Po: Choji

Shang: Neji

Ping: Gai

Soldier: Shino

Hun 1: Hidan

Hun 2/ twin 1: Kisame

Parade Leader: Teuchi

Man: Tazuna

Man: Iwashi

Guard 2/ twin 2: Itachi

Citizen: Mubi


End file.
